The Weirdo (1989)
A Spoiler Review
from Tucker
This classic opens with a retarded guy named Donny carrying a bag through a sparsely wooded area where he encounters one of those '80s gangs that look like charter members of the Loverboy fan club. They harass him and make him "play dog" which consists of almost strangling him with a leash, then leading him to a stream and nearly drowning him. Good, clean fun. It's hard to feel sympathy for Donny, however, because of his futile attempts at 'tard acting. Donny makes his way back to the shack behind an old lady's house where he dwells and answers, much like Pavlov's dogs, to a bell the lady rings when she needs his assistance. The old lady describes Donny to her new, hot, young lady tenant in terms fit for a Mogwai. "Be careful the way you move", she warns as Donny is frightened by sudden movements. "Never raise your voice", she continues, as Donny may become violent. BUT!, she asserts, Donny is NOT dangerous, and even though his estranged mother hates him, Donny is "happy the way he is...at least he thinks so." Fair enough. The new renter then heads upstairs where she draws a bath while humming one song along with another on the soundtrack and being overly amused by the bubbles she's adding off-screen. It's very strange and uncomfortable. Then we see Donny peeping on the bathing beauty which foreshadows the increasingly rapey vibe he gives off. At this point Donny meets Jenny. I'm not sure if Jenny is also 'tarded, but I think so. They're both so incredibly inept in their "Other Sister"ness that it's hard to tell. She wears a leg brace and they take a mutual shine to one another. She gives him a handkerchief which he takes home and seemingly jerks-off into. Young 'tard love ensues.
Jenny and Donny go on a 'tard date where they eat cheese, stop by a flea market to pretend a stuffed, plush banana is a phone, then head to a local diner where Donny uses his money to treat them to two Cokes. The diner owner offers day-old apple turnovers. This excites the 'tards as Jenny declares "I love apple. One of my favorites". After they eat some of it they get up and run out of the diner, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I missed something, but I like to think that maybe it's just ridiculous.
The old lady that keeps Donny in the shack asks him to take a box of clothes and shit to the good Reverend Cummings, but on his way he runs into the Loverboy gang who stab his box and then seem to maybe (?) stab Donny, but then Jenny comes along and helps him to the church where she has a conversation with the Reverend where he warns her about Donny then proceeds to put the moves on the poor 'tarded girl. Donny gets mad and pushes the Rev. then smacks the wall in frustration. At this point it's still not clear where this movie is going. Is he gonna get all rapey? Is the gang going to become more of the focus? No one knows. Perhaps it's just another retarded romance like The Other Sister or Pearl Harbor.
Jenny offers Donny some orange juice. "Orange juice?", he asks as if it's outrageous, or simply out of their price range. "It's water. I just pretend it's orange juice", Jenny explains. This doesn't really further the plot, but it illustrates the .22 caliber screenwriting. Then Jenny kisses Donny and he gets all rapey again, but she sets him straight. Then the simp gang shows up at some shacks that may or may not be near Donny's shack where they proceed to play grab-ass with an awesome '80s chick to gets one of the mulletards down on the ground and tickles him. Then they go into one of the shacks and after 45 long minutes, there's some boobs, then a fade to black, then a fade up on them zipping up their pants. Unbeknownst to them, Donny's been watching with baited, rapey breath the whole time. After their pants are on (she remains topless), they predictably establish that she was not satisfied, then the gang inexplicably leaves the girl there. She sees Donny, invites him over, lets him touch her breast, then struggles when he gets all rapey. They get into a bitchy little slap tiff and Donny goes home.
Back at the shack Jenny finally says it's okay to fuck her and there's an oddly slow, sultry, and dare I say, classy 'tard sex scene. At this point I'm assuming this movie is about against the odds 'tard love, but it is NOT! Donny's old lady sends him to his mother's house where she drinks and cuts angel food cake with a meat cleaver, then proceeds to drop the bombshell that Donny's father is no ordinary father, but actually his Uncle Eddie. Then she says she's going to hold him for 'tard ransom or something, which I'm not entirely sure how that works or from who she'll keep him, but point is he tries to leave. She pulls out a 'tard strap and whips the floor around him. He takes the strap and actually hits the "actress" with it, then worriedly picks up the meat cleaver and bluntly cuts her head off. This is where the movie gets weird...er.
Donny stuffs the head in a trash bag and hides when a man comes to the door carrying a straight jacket. The man finds Donny and the body and decides they must bury Donny's mother. Eventually Donny gets excited and murders the man with a shovel to the neck. Next, Donny goes to the church and murders the Mrs. Cummings by impaling her with a cross, then kills Reverend Cummings by strangling him with Christmas lights.
When Donny finally gets back home the old lady he lives with drops the most superfluous bombshell in film history. Turns out, she's his aunt. I don't know why this is important to the story, or why this would even bother Donny, or why it was a secret in the first place, but Donny kills her by burning her face which makes her look like Al Jolson in The Jazz Singer. The Loverboy gang finds out what's happening and seems to yell FOREVER. When they confront Donny, 1 hour and 27 minutes in, his 'tard strength finally emerges as he fights them off, stabs one in the neck and cuts off his hands. At this point this movie has become everything The Other Sister should have been.
Some straight-laced townsfolk form the world's lamest vigilante mob and chase him around while he tries to convince Jenny to leave him and save herself. Being so loyal to Donny, it takes a good 'tard punch to get her to leave, and when she does the townsfolk immediately beat Donny with clubs until he is a bloody mess. Jenny sees the aftermath in the wooded area where Donny's body lay. Then, from nowhere, a mother and her son come walking through the "woods". She's berating the child and eventually threatens to kill the boy. I'm not even exaggerating. This mother blatantly says "I'm going to kill you". I may be paraphrasing, but the result is "I'm going to kill you". Jenny yells to the heavens "Why can't people be nice to one another?" I know, I know, the perfect ending, right? But, there's more.
We fade to black, then come back up on Jenny leading a cop to Donny's corpse, but when they get there Donny is gone. Only his bloody jacket remains. The cop queries "Where's the body?" Jenny, realizing Donny is still alive, smiles and backs away nervously as if she can just coyly walk away from the officer without any further questioning. This is the most retarded thing she's done in the whole film. With that the movie ends. Like the entire film, it's a moment that must be witnessed to fully understand the true absurdity of it all. And I did see it. And it was good.
Jenny and Donny go on a 'tard date where they eat cheese, stop by a flea market to pretend a stuffed, plush banana is a phone, then head to a local diner where Donny uses his money to treat them to two Cokes. The diner owner offers day-old apple turnovers. This excites the 'tards as Jenny declares "I love apple. One of my favorites". After they eat some of it they get up and run out of the diner, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I missed something, but I like to think that maybe it's just ridiculous.
The old lady that keeps Donny in the shack asks him to take a box of clothes and shit to the good Reverend Cummings, but on his way he runs into the Loverboy gang who stab his box and then seem to maybe (?) stab Donny, but then Jenny comes along and helps him to the church where she has a conversation with the Reverend where he warns her about Donny then proceeds to put the moves on the poor 'tarded girl. Donny gets mad and pushes the Rev. then smacks the wall in frustration. At this point it's still not clear where this movie is going. Is he gonna get all rapey? Is the gang going to become more of the focus? No one knows. Perhaps it's just another retarded romance like The Other Sister or Pearl Harbor.
Jenny offers Donny some orange juice. "Orange juice?", he asks as if it's outrageous, or simply out of their price range. "It's water. I just pretend it's orange juice", Jenny explains. This doesn't really further the plot, but it illustrates the .22 caliber screenwriting. Then Jenny kisses Donny and he gets all rapey again, but she sets him straight. Then the simp gang shows up at some shacks that may or may not be near Donny's shack where they proceed to play grab-ass with an awesome '80s chick to gets one of the mulletards down on the ground and tickles him. Then they go into one of the shacks and after 45 long minutes, there's some boobs, then a fade to black, then a fade up on them zipping up their pants. Unbeknownst to them, Donny's been watching with baited, rapey breath the whole time. After their pants are on (she remains topless), they predictably establish that she was not satisfied, then the gang inexplicably leaves the girl there. She sees Donny, invites him over, lets him touch her breast, then struggles when he gets all rapey. They get into a bitchy little slap tiff and Donny goes home.
Back at the shack Jenny finally says it's okay to fuck her and there's an oddly slow, sultry, and dare I say, classy 'tard sex scene. At this point I'm assuming this movie is about against the odds 'tard love, but it is NOT! Donny's old lady sends him to his mother's house where she drinks and cuts angel food cake with a meat cleaver, then proceeds to drop the bombshell that Donny's father is no ordinary father, but actually his Uncle Eddie. Then she says she's going to hold him for 'tard ransom or something, which I'm not entirely sure how that works or from who she'll keep him, but point is he tries to leave. She pulls out a 'tard strap and whips the floor around him. He takes the strap and actually hits the "actress" with it, then worriedly picks up the meat cleaver and bluntly cuts her head off. This is where the movie gets weird...er.
Donny stuffs the head in a trash bag and hides when a man comes to the door carrying a straight jacket. The man finds Donny and the body and decides they must bury Donny's mother. Eventually Donny gets excited and murders the man with a shovel to the neck. Next, Donny goes to the church and murders the Mrs. Cummings by impaling her with a cross, then kills Reverend Cummings by strangling him with Christmas lights.
When Donny finally gets back home the old lady he lives with drops the most superfluous bombshell in film history. Turns out, she's his aunt. I don't know why this is important to the story, or why this would even bother Donny, or why it was a secret in the first place, but Donny kills her by burning her face which makes her look like Al Jolson in The Jazz Singer. The Loverboy gang finds out what's happening and seems to yell FOREVER. When they confront Donny, 1 hour and 27 minutes in, his 'tard strength finally emerges as he fights them off, stabs one in the neck and cuts off his hands. At this point this movie has become everything The Other Sister should have been.
Some straight-laced townsfolk form the world's lamest vigilante mob and chase him around while he tries to convince Jenny to leave him and save herself. Being so loyal to Donny, it takes a good 'tard punch to get her to leave, and when she does the townsfolk immediately beat Donny with clubs until he is a bloody mess. Jenny sees the aftermath in the wooded area where Donny's body lay. Then, from nowhere, a mother and her son come walking through the "woods". She's berating the child and eventually threatens to kill the boy. I'm not even exaggerating. This mother blatantly says "I'm going to kill you". I may be paraphrasing, but the result is "I'm going to kill you". Jenny yells to the heavens "Why can't people be nice to one another?" I know, I know, the perfect ending, right? But, there's more.
We fade to black, then come back up on Jenny leading a cop to Donny's corpse, but when they get there Donny is gone. Only his bloody jacket remains. The cop queries "Where's the body?" Jenny, realizing Donny is still alive, smiles and backs away nervously as if she can just coyly walk away from the officer without any further questioning. This is the most retarded thing she's done in the whole film. With that the movie ends. Like the entire film, it's a moment that must be witnessed to fully understand the true absurdity of it all. And I did see it. And it was good.
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