Goon (2011) - A Spoiler Review by Randee Justus

Goon (2011)

A Spoiler Review by

Randee Justus

So this guy is a bouncer, right? Like, he beats people up and checks ID's and lets people into the bar and stuff. Anyway, all that information is packed into this little montage that basically shows everything that I just said. Anyhoo. So this guy is Jewish, I guess and he's wearing this trench coat thing or some shit and I have to say, it looked kinda funny, because he's pretty buff. Anyway, so they're being Jewish when he loses his hat in the wind and they see his brother being gay, not like metaphorically gay, like actually a gay homosexual. So then their dad says they're both adopted to his Jewish friends and that was kind of a dick move on his part, eh... They're also in Canada, eh. So then this main guy, Sean William Scott, I think... He's all sad because everybody has "a thing" like his friend has this show about hockey and his dad and brother are doctors, which, I mean, really isn't a lot of people and he probably didn't need to get upset about it. Anyway, so basically that goes nowhere until later. So he and his friend go to this hockey game and this guy starts coming towards his friend and he keeping saying faggot and so Sean/ Doug, his name is Doug and they start calling him a thug, which his father later shows disapproval of... So he gets pissed at this hockey player and he's like,"HEY! MY BROTHER'S GAY!" Then he beats the living shit out of this guy. So then his friend has him on his hockey show and they're taking calls from viewers and apparently this guy keeps calling and making douchey jokes, so his friend is all cussing and then the producer guy quits... But then, something almost equivalent to magic happens, the coach of the team that was playing the team that the homophobe was on calls in and asks Doug to go to their try outs, so he goes, but he wears figure skater skates and they laugh, but he still gets on the team. So basically all he does is beat the living hell out of other people, until he's offered a job of sorts (a hockey job, of course) on a bigger league team, and they have this guy on the team that used to be really good, but then he got hit SUPER hard and he was afraid to play. Anyway so Doug guards this guy and is also his roommate and I think he helps him get over his fear, but not until later, because some other shit's gotta go down... So after he gets on the big team he starts becoming really popular, and his roommate doesn't seem too sure about him, because he's just a little weird. So then later the coach gives Doug the A, which used to be the roommate guy's, so then he really hates Doug, because he took his A... But then they're playing after that and the guy gets by Doug and rams into the roommate guy and knocks him out and then he doesn't play the next couple days, and then Doug has to sit in the back of the bus next to the hole where they all piss. So then when they get back from playing away games that the roommate guy didn't go to, he tells the roommate guy that he could do anything to him and it wouldn't matter because he's always going to protect on the ice. And in the midst of all this he meets a girl and he really likes her and she likes him, but alas she has a boyfriend, but after awhile, she breaks up with him to be with Doug and Doug lets the (ex)boyfriend beat him up. So I think all of that kinda falls around the same time, but I'm not sure... So then he has dinner with his best friend and his family and his parents don't really approve of his hockey playing and so Doug has this little speech about how he has found his niche and that they need to accept him. And then he's, like, saying that he couldn't be a doctor because he's stupid and then he points out that his brother is gay and it was quite touching, but his parents were assholes and refused to accept his new thing. So then everything is good except for the parents, and really who needs 'em if they're gonna be like that?! So his team makes it to the playoff game and he has to face off with this other famous guy, and everybody has been making a huge deal about them fighting and what have you. So finally they fight and the other guy is just kicking Doug's ass, until Doug, like, breaks his own ankle and he gets up and he has this one big epic punch and he knocks the fucker and his tooth out. Anyway, my favorite part was when Doug and and his roommates became friends, because it was one of those things that you want to happen for the entirety of the movie... Moral of the story: sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad. 

But that does remind me of another movie which is a cartoon adaption of a bible story, you know Joseph: King of Dreams... He gets sold by his brothers but then he becomes an all powerful ruler of Egypt. Kind of in no way the same, but somehow slightly similar...

Oh, and also if you watch it on Netflix, they recommend a bunch of weird Canadian movies...