This Coleslaw Archive: John Carpenter's Vampires



Movie Review: John Carpenter's Vampires (1998)
By Tucker Battrell

John Carpenter was a major player in creating the modern horror film. His fans are many and passionate, and not without merit. Carpenter is responsible for some touchstone films that will continue to inspire gorehounds for generations. Films such as Halloween and The Thing are still finding fans today, and many of his other films enjoy strong cult followings. While these films continue to maintain Carpenter's reputation, it is hard to argue that his movies have gone into a bit of a slump. I don't think any of his films are in any way unwatchable or even bad, it's just that some of them aren't as good as others, and that is where I would have to put Vampires.
Vampires stars uber-cool James Woods as Jack Crow, an old-fashioned badass that would be comfortable in an eighties action movie, but feels a little outdated here. Crow was raised by priests in the Catholic church after his parents were bitten by vampires. He was trained to be the ultimate vampire slayer. Crow and his crew find nests and kill blood-suckers by shooting them with a crossbow which has arrows attached to a winch that pulls the vampire into the sunlight where they catch fire. That's pretty cool. Then they meet the king-shit vampire and they have to stop him.
This is not among Carpenter's best, but it is a lot of fun. Woods chews the scenery, snarling and spitting every line. He also asks a priest if Crow's kicking him gave him wood, so he's okay in my book. He wears shades, a leather jacket and scowls when he's not laughing at some badass line he just delivered. James Woods is out of his mind in this film, but the bat shit crazy award goes to Daniel Baldwin as Crow's partner who is infected after Laura Palmer bites him. Seeing these two behave with such incredible machismo is something to be seen. And Vampires delivers some great gore to boot.

It may not be Bergman, or even Big Trouble in Little China, but Vampires is a fun horror/action hybrid that is a John Carpenter movie through and through. I recommend anyone interested in boobs, Laura Palmer's butt, a priest decapitation, things catching fire, or a few buckets of blood to watch this movie, because it has those things plus James Woods doing a gratuitous roll and stabbing a vampire with a stake while screaming "Die, fucker!". And I don't think anyone else exists.

Grade: C
Entertainment Value: B