Movie Review: Cobra (1986)By Tucker Battrell
In the early 80s Sylvester Stallone was the biggest action star in the world. After the mega-success of Rocky and its first couple of sequels and the birth of his second iconic character John Rambo with the 1982 release of First Blood. Sly was attached to star as a Detroit police officer investigating the murder of his friend on the plush streets of Beverly Hills. It was a fish-out-of-water action/comedy that would produce an iconic character of its own: Axel Foley. Stallone however would not play the part made famous by Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop, but he took the script for that film, which he had re-written for himself, re-worked it based on the novel Fair Game and with that Marion Cobretti was born.
Cobretti, or Cobra, is a one-line-spittin', matchstick-chewin', scumbag-shootin' cop with a love for then President Reagan, and nothing but vitriol for the rules that keep him from shooting jay-walkers. He is Stallone's Dirty Harry. Cobretti is investigating a string of killings by this biker-cult who clang axes together for some unknown reason. I guess it's creepy, or something. Cobra is a renegade cop who butts heads with his superiors and would rather deliver some street justice and not fill out the reports later.
Brigitte Nielson plays a model named Ingrid who is targeted by the cult after witnessing a murder. Cobra and his ever-hungry partner must protect her and hope she can lead them to the killers. Unfortunately they've also been saddled with Stockard Channing's ugly sister who smokes too much, and she's a mole for the cult. So the cult leader (Brian Thompson) and the rest of the crew chase Cobretti and his crew down on their bikes.
This is the greatest movie ever made. From the opening supermarket shoot-out to the stealing the motorcycle evidence finale, there is no regard for reality or believability. This is unbelievably 90 unbelievable minutes of nonstop awesomosity. This movie defies time. Ninety minutes feels like twenty. It is literally so entertaining that it caused the space-time continuum to fold onto its self. I've seen this movie fifty times and each time I am convinced that time folded and I missed the middle hour. It's just that good.
Ineptly directed by the late great George P. Cosmatos, who delivers a great commentary track on the DVD, this movie wastes no time getting into the action and moves amazingly fast. This was accomplished the year prior by Stallone who directed himself in the extended music video Rocky IV which also breaks all known laws of time. This is the epitome of the bad action movie of the 80s. It has everything you could possibly want. There's a disgusting killer with a kick-ass knife, there's a great hero who delivers the decade's greatest one-liners, there's the weaselly rival cop who would be totally right were this real life but it is not, there's the pre-disgusting Nielson who has a photo shoot with Sledge Hammer (David Rasche), a montage, lots of shooting and things blowing up, a great car chase, Sylvester Stallone with a gun in his belt and matchstick in his mouth. I don't know what more you could ask for.
Cobretti, or Cobra, is a one-line-spittin', matchstick-chewin', scumbag-shootin' cop with a love for then President Reagan, and nothing but vitriol for the rules that keep him from shooting jay-walkers. He is Stallone's Dirty Harry. Cobretti is investigating a string of killings by this biker-cult who clang axes together for some unknown reason. I guess it's creepy, or something. Cobra is a renegade cop who butts heads with his superiors and would rather deliver some street justice and not fill out the reports later.
Brigitte Nielson plays a model named Ingrid who is targeted by the cult after witnessing a murder. Cobra and his ever-hungry partner must protect her and hope she can lead them to the killers. Unfortunately they've also been saddled with Stockard Channing's ugly sister who smokes too much, and she's a mole for the cult. So the cult leader (Brian Thompson) and the rest of the crew chase Cobretti and his crew down on their bikes.
This is the greatest movie ever made. From the opening supermarket shoot-out to the stealing the motorcycle evidence finale, there is no regard for reality or believability. This is unbelievably 90 unbelievable minutes of nonstop awesomosity. This movie defies time. Ninety minutes feels like twenty. It is literally so entertaining that it caused the space-time continuum to fold onto its self. I've seen this movie fifty times and each time I am convinced that time folded and I missed the middle hour. It's just that good.
Ineptly directed by the late great George P. Cosmatos, who delivers a great commentary track on the DVD, this movie wastes no time getting into the action and moves amazingly fast. This was accomplished the year prior by Stallone who directed himself in the extended music video Rocky IV which also breaks all known laws of time. This is the epitome of the bad action movie of the 80s. It has everything you could possibly want. There's a disgusting killer with a kick-ass knife, there's a great hero who delivers the decade's greatest one-liners, there's the weaselly rival cop who would be totally right were this real life but it is not, there's the pre-disgusting Nielson who has a photo shoot with Sledge Hammer (David Rasche), a montage, lots of shooting and things blowing up, a great car chase, Sylvester Stallone with a gun in his belt and matchstick in his mouth. I don't know what more you could ask for.
Grade: D
Entertainment Value: A+
Entertainment Value: A+
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